it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
