So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He passed out mid-signature
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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