Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
