I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
