tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
