you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
