I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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