he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
