Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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