K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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