The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
