No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
