Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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