we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He passed out mid-signature
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
