biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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