I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
