so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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