3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
