Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
