I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just forgot I was standing up.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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