I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
