but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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