Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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