If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
