I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
