just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
