Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
