so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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