Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
