What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
