Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
