They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
