i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
