Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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