im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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