we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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