Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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