She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
