i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
