broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
