I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
