A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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