Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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