hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
