why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
