She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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