Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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