Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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