Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We got so high we made milksteak
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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