She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
