this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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